Wednesday, June 17, 2015

You call me out upon the waters.

Ever since I've gotten the chance to work with Disney, I've been extremely nervous of my relationship with God, and how it will be affected by moving away from my favorite churches in Nashville.

My biggest disappointment is leaving all my kiddos at Crosspoint Kids. I lead worship for them on Sunday nights, and I have an absolute BLAST doing so! But my preparations for leaving have left me to drawing away a little more than I normally would, this summer. I believe it's because I don't want to get too attached to these children. Normally, I'd be waist deep in VBS activities and I'd go out for Summer Camp counseling and music leadership - at least that's what I'd love to be doing. But I'm a HUGE procrastinator and so all the things I'm supposed to be doing are taking up my time from that. Instead, I'm supposed to be packing, organizing, and getting ready to store things.

Have I been?

Not as much as I should.

Granted, I DID just go through boatloads of makeup and weed out anything that should be expired, thrown out, or just plain organized. However, that still leaves me a whole MaryKay starter kit bag full of junk.

That thing doesn't look so big, but just try putting that into another travel bag, then add a box of hair care (1 Hair Dryer, 1 Straightener, 1 Mini straightener, 1 Mini curler, 1 Styling Comb, 1 flat comb, and 1 Mini Brush, Conditioner, Shampoo, and also a body wash). Yeah. Not much room left in that bag when I need to bring shoes, jewelry and clothes. I guess that's what my Carry-On is for, but sheesh.

This packing thing's not so easy. Especially when I'm going through ALL of my stuff, and I discover things that I think "Oh, this would be nice to have...." Like the millions of fragrances and lotions I have stored up from working at Victoria's Secret. I'm GOING to need lotion. But which one ... ONES... do I want to take? AND DO I HAVE ROOM FOR THEM????!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!. Bah. Humbug.

Anyway. I SHOULD be going through these and actually deciding. but I get bored, distracted, and tired, and I end up napping, instead, when I should be volunteering to help out with the kiddos.

I'm REALLY sorry. But I KNOW that I would be even more insane if I WERE working with the kids more than I am. Even though I love them.

Also, part of me wants to kindof take as little time with the kids as possible, just so I'm not overwhelmed with them when I'm constantly surrounded by them on the ship.

The other part about my worry has been about whether I'll find a church I'll connect well with. Crosspoint and Brentwood Baptist both have a REALLY good direction going for them, and that's what I love about big churches. They have the power to remind their attenders that, as christians, we need to focus on the outward love and care of the world around us. God and us... We're good. We're forgiven. The vertical relationship between us and God is good. We're not perfect - duh. But we don't have to focus on that so much as the fact that IF we're good(and we are) with God, Then we need to then love God's people. That means our relationship with the world around us needs to take place much more. It's SO common for a church to focus internally, and they don't necessarily MEAN to do so, but they get caught up in how things are going that they put less emphasis on what they need to be doing.

Crosspoint is opening a church in a prison. They're setting up camps for disabled kids(Because being disabled doesn't disqualify you from God's love). They're opening a new Dream Center and creating a program for inner-city kids to get connected with internships and programs so that they aren't left out and forgotten! Crosspoint is making it a HUGE point to SERVE THE COMMUNITY. They're making a HUGE point to be an outward expression of God's love and to be the example of how the church should be creating and leaving its legacy. When people look at Crosspoint, they should say "Oh my gosh, Thank God for that church and the work they do to make this city better!" Not just "Oh, that big church..."

Brentwood is very similar in its mission, and I'm so glad to be an attender at both churches. I go to Kairos on Tuesday nights and then Crosspoint on Sundays, and I LOVE this schedule and the messages.

But my worry has been whether I'll find a church with the same mission.

My worries were stifled for that, last night, when I heard the leader speak at Kairos last night.

My worry and fear was that I wouldn't have a church to fit into. When I should have been concerned about how I can find someplace I can stoke the fire to. I shouldn't be going somewhere I'm comfortable. I should be going somewhere that I can help lead! I shouldn't be counting on some other church to GET IT. I already understand what Jesus told me and all of us to do. I GET that I'm supposed to be setting an example. Through Faith, I should be letting good works, deeds, and morals fall into place, and I should be leading others to Christ through my example. I'm supposed to love others. That's my greatest command after loving God with everything I am. I'm still working on that. But I understand that I'm supposed to.

So it came to my understanding yesterday that I'm not going down there to fall into place in another church that might not get it, yet. I'm going down there to share my love, and to be an example for the people around me to understand the calling to love others around us.

Now, I have a new mindset. I'm not worried about going down there to fit in, anymore. I'm going there to step out and be an outward expression of Christ's love. Instead of finding a fire that's already ablaze, I'm going to put myself somewhere that I can stoke or build a fire with. I've got the reminder down that I'm supposed to be looking outward, to God's people. It's time more people were reminded of that, and ACTED on it.

I'm not growing if I'm not scared. That's a lesson I'm continuing to understand. I'm scared to go down there and leave my friends, family, and comfortable lifestyle. But I'm going to grow in experiences and friends when I go down there. If I don't let myself go to do that, I'll be stuck in a rut, and that's not a fun place to be. And I don't want anyone else to be stuck there, either.

The last thing I've been thinking a lot about lately is how God is speaking to me. I feel like it's usually through music, and I was blessed at the right time to have God speak through a newly popular Hillsong song.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

-Hillsong United

Guys. God is LITERALLY calling me out upon the water. I'm getting on a SHIP. And the words in this song are strong reminders to remain confident and trust in God and in His plans for me. He will not fail me. Even if things go crazy, which, they always do - no matter what job you're in. Things will be tough. Waters will rise, literally and figuratively. I'm going where I've never gone before, in the middle of an ocean, and I'm GOING to rest in Gods promises. I have to. I will.

This song spoke to me a lot. It's like a little message, saying "Jill. When you need to remember to keep close to Me and remember what I'm calling you to do, think/sing/speak this song. It'll be a great tool to you."

And Finally, Amanda Cook's song, You Make Me Brave, continues to solidify how God is speaking to me.

You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me out beyond the shore
Into the waves

I'm called to do this. I'm called to be where I'm going. I'm scared. I'm nervous. But God is RIGHT THERE. I'm going to be fine. And hopefully, I'll help lead someone to Christ, and help them GET what it means to be a child of God.

...Mmk that is all for today.

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